Category Archives: HywelPhillips.com

I know what I should have done (but still don’t know how). And the importance of listening instead of talking

Wah. Bit shaken up this morning. Last night I assisted in cutting a model out of a bunch of rope- the first time I’ve had to use the safety scissors I’ve been carrying around for years in a full-blown emergency. What follows is an eye-witness report, and I’m conscious that I didn’t see everything or may have misinterpreted some things, so bear that in mind whilst reading.

I’m mad at myself because although I wasn’t the rigger, I knew the accident was there in potentia and I didn’t say anything. I dearly wish I had, it would have saved a model falling face first onto the floor whilst tied in a standing semi-suspenson, nearly taking a second model underneath her out as well.

They seem to be unhurt but the accident could have been very nasty, a bamboo tripod toppled over, pulled by the misplaced weight of one model. Had it struck the second model on the floor in front of it, she could have been killed, not to mention the obvious risk to the model who was face-planted.

What the hell does one do when one sees a dangerous situation developing like that, when one doesn’t know the other people, and one is not one of the event organisers? Because I saw clear as day that her weight distribution was all wrong, and if the tripod started to topple, she was going face down into the floor.

If one says anything, one feels like the dick-head safety police and very rude to the rigger. Lord knows, there are enough self-appointed safety police riggers around. The rigger who bears a lot of the responsibility for the incident appears to be one, in fact.

If one says nothing and an accident occurs, does it make one negligent? In the aftermath of the incident Ariel and I both felt we should have done more because we expressed concern to each other but did not say anything to the riggers involved. I was next to them, tying Ariel at a public event, and didn’t feel it was my place to say anything.

Maybe I could have gently asked them to take step back and look at the tie because from where we were standing it was obvious that the weight distribution was all wrong. I noticed one of the riggers adjust the tripod a bit, and told myself it would be OK, but I bloody knew it wasn’t and still I said nothing.

There were enough supposedly competent riggers around that someone should have prevented this happening, and yet two models came a very short distance from serious injury. That’s how people get killed. I don’t know if anyone else saw it, but I KNOW I DID. Next time, I am determined to do better and at least raise the issue with the people involved. If the rigger and the model are then happy to proceed, of course that’s their right and responsibility.

Here’s what happened. Rigger number one tied model number one, using a bamboo tripod which I think belonged to him and which he set up. He tied her on the floor but using the tripod to elevate her legs.

The tripod toppled over, causing shock but no injury to model one, and fortunately the tripod itself didn’t hit anyone as it landed.

Rigger number one carried on for a while, using the tripod for a bit, eventually untying model number one and re-tying her on the floor in front of the tripod. I thought he was remiss in not untying her at once and pausing to regroup, but OK, she seemed to be coping, she’s his responsibility not mine,

Rigger number two then appeared with model number two, and used the same bamboo tripod to tie her in a standing, leaning forward semi-suspension.

If the accident had been more serious, that is the point at which I’d have to say everyone around became negligent. Someone should have called a halt to the use of that tripod. We’d had, and ignored, a wake-up call.

Model number two was not central in the tripod and the tripod was not correctly set to arrest a fall, especially the forward fall that was most obviously a danger. Model number two duly fell forwards, nearly hitting model number one who was still on the floor. Fortunately the bamboo tripod didn’t hit anyone because if that had smashed into someone’s neck or throat we could be facing a lethal accident inquiry this morning.

When model number two fell over, nearly crushing model number one, Ariel (still partially tied up herself, but arms and legs free) had the presence of mind to ungag model number one, check she was OK, move her out of the way and offer to start untying her. I’m very proud of her because I was focussed on model number two, the more obviously in distress, as were most of the others around. Several other riggers and I dived for model number two; another pro webmaster and I cut her out while a couple of other riggers helped us get at the ropes. I didn’t notice model number one’s distress, I’m glad Ariel did.

So who is responsible? Obviously, rigger number two should have checked the tripod and checked the weight distribution, and model two was in his care. So the primary responsibility is his.

Rigger one should have set up the tripod correctly, should not have allowed people to continue using it after it had failed in an unexpected way once already, and doubly failed to protect model one, who was in his care, so he also bears primary responsibility. He was conspicuous by his absence during the second incident, he certainly didn’t pull out safety scissors and cut anyone out.

The rest of the riggers and event organisers around bear responsibility because after the first incident we had ample warning that rigger one was a bit of a clown or at least that the bamboo tripod was unsafe and being used in an unsafe manner, and we didn’t say anything.

This morning, now the shakes have faded a bit, with calm consideration I think it is rigger number one who deserves a serious kick up the arse.

I mostly feel sorry for rigger number two and I hope he’s OK. I didn’t really see what he did in the melee to get model two out, good things I think, and in the aftermath he seemed to be doing good stuff comforting model two. Although he screwed up, that screw-up was facilitated and amplified by rigger number one.

Rigger number one brought in an unsafe bit of equipment and was misusing it. Having already had it topple over once he allowed another rigger to use it, and failed to spot that model number two was in danger because of his equipment, and that model number one, his primary responsibility, was in the path of danger from it as well. Worst of all I thought was his after-care of model one in the aftermath of both incidents, most egregiously after the second one where he was standing aside as someone else rescued his model.

I know people’s responses in a crisis are what they are, I’m happy that Ariel and I acted rather than standing back, but damn I wish I’d spoken up and forestalled the accident (Ariel was tied at that stage so it was me who should have passed our joint concerns on to the rigger).

I know we all make mistakes and if rigger number one had been acting differently before the accident I might be thinking “oh, how awful for the poor guy, he must be mortified. I’m glad the models are OK, I hope he will be too”, as I am for rigger two.

But rigger number one had been acting like a complete cock from the moment we entered the room.

He was stuck on transmit. He didn’t ask questions before broadcasting advice and advertisements for his immense skillz.

In a room full of riggers and models I don’t know, I didn’t dream of blurting advice to people who may well be a lot more experienced than I. I don’t consider myself a particularly skilled rigger. Trying to be objective I’d say I’ve acquired good, workmanlike competence over the years, and I do make the entirety of my living this way. I hope I am always open to advice and keep revising my safety ideas and risk assessments every time I tie someone up. So I do listen if someone offers advice, but I don’t feel competent to offer unsolicited advice myself, and that’s ultimately why I didn’t say anything before the accident.

Rigger number one had no hesitation telling me how I should tie Ariel (on a fucking bench, which is hardly a non-standard bit of bondage furniture). One of his suggestions seemed a bit loony to us: tie her the wrong way around on it. Well, yes, I could, but then the blood would rush to her head and she’d only have a short period of time in the position safely. Given the nature of the event such a short-duration tie would not have been fit for purpose. So we quietly ignored him.

I was tying up my wife, model and play partner of many years; we are both bondage professionals and we were working around an injury Ariel’s currently recovering from. He didn’t know anything about us before opening his mouth. I’m not saying we couldn’t have been making a mistake, but he didn’t find out anything about us before telling me what I should be doing.

Nor did he have any hesitation in informing his poor model, with whom I don’t think he had previously worked, about his great skills. He was a shit hot rigger (I believe he uttered those very words), how he had achieved great success in the field… although he admitted not making any money from it. They were about to do something really interesting bondage-wise. Talk talk talkity talk about himself and his immensity.

I don’t recall hearing much in the transmit stream along the lines of “what would you like to do?”, “how much experience do you have?”, “what sort of ties are comfortable for you?”, “have you got any existing injuries?”, “how long do you think you can hold a tie like that?” or even an “Are you OK?”. When she expressed reservations about the idea of being suspended for two hours, he blustered through with “ah, it is only a semi-suspension you see”. In the aftermath of accident one, I believe he should have untied her and done a proper pause, to check she was OK. In the aftermath of accident two, he did not attend to her safety, and that’s not acceptable.

I thought he was an arse. As it turned out, a dangerous arse.

Hywel.

British Fetish Film Festival Progress

Hi All,

Quick update on the British Fetish Film Festival.

We had our screening for producers a couple of months ago. Since then we have been organising behind the scenes to prepare a proposal for our local council for permission to hold the festival here. We are drafting a written proposal and sending them a DVD with examples of the films we would like to show.

There is a brief hiatus over summer because the principal organisers have:
A) spent July shooting an awesome mainstream feature film (low budget, but spectacularly higher budget than any fetish film production. Great fun, learned a lot)

B) are recovering from that, catching up on website business and emails before

C) going to Fetishcon

D) frankly… we’re also waiting for the tabloid feeding frenzy associated with Cameron’s war on porn to die down a bit.

We hope that a submission to the council a little later on in the year will have a greater chance of a fair hearing. The current conflation of all the things conservative hand-wringers and the Daily Mail don’t like together with entirely legal and lovely erotica is pernicious, corrosive and deeply disturbing. Far more worrying than people watching porn.

Since we would have been in a huge rush to get it done before Fetishcon, we thought a little delay wouldn’t hurt. The film festival is alive- it is top of our priority list to proceed once the summer is over and things are back to normal.

Websites are not trying to rip you off (in my experience)

Hi All,

I try not to post anything which smacks of self-pity or whining, but I’ve had a few emails in the last few months which have been really rudely worded and I’d like to ask people to please have a little consideration.

There is a perception that websites are out to rip you off, steal your money, not give you what you paid for. I have never met a webmaster who has that attitude to their customers. We’re all very grateful and appreciative that you like our work enough to be willing to pay for it. That’s sounds corny but it is absolutely true.

The last thing on any of our minds is getting you to pay money and then not deliver what was promised.

There’s also a perception that we are all fat cats, raking in millions and sitting in our mansion houses cackling away spending your money on champagne and caviar. The truth is that apart from one or two big players, niche websites barely make enough to get by.

Most started out as we did- run by enthusiasts who open a website to try to help fund more shoots and allow them to buy a bit more photo or bondage gear to make the next shoot a little bigger, a little better. And most still are run that way. We’re unusual in being big enough that Restrained Elegance has one person full time (Hywel) and one person half time (Ariel); many websites are still run by their creators in their spare time. We have a couple of other people to call on for specific tasks from time to time, like my friend Ian who helps with the web programming and our web hosts who make sure the site hardware runs.

But even we are spread pretty thin. We have to:
1) Be photographers.
2) Be a video camera person.
3) Be script writers.
4) Be cinematographers and photographic lighting technicians.
5) Be photoshoppers.
6) Be video editors.
7) Write website code.
8) Do technical support for the website if something isn’t working.
9) Answer all customer emails.
10) Arrange shoots.
11) Book models.
12) Organise locations.
13) Produce shoots- source the props, costumes, etc.
14) Be safe bondage riggers.
15) Manage terabytes of data generated by shoots, as our own sys admins.
16) Try to figure out what’s the problem if your computer settings aren’t letting you do something.
17) Make sure the site is updated without fail (we have never missed an update).
18) Schedule the archives.
19) Publicise the sites.
20) Compile user requests for shoot plans.
21) Keep abreast of technical developments for the future.
22) Post on the forum and try to stimulate a community.
23) Do the accounts to keep the accountant and tax man happy.
24) Run everything as a responsible business, with good business practices.
25) Be responsible for the health and safety of all on set, risk assessments etc.
26) Do the data entry to add updates to the site.
27) Do the data entry to add old sets to the shopping cart.
28) Do the data entry to add sets to Clips4Sale.
29) Make sure all insurance and other legal requirements are up to date.
30) Improve our skills to keep improving the quality of the website.
31) Make sure the website works in as many browser/phone/operating system/computer combos as possible.
32) Write all the stories for the updates, 5 a week.
33) Maintain the FAQ
34) Keep improving security and scripts so we don’t get shut down by password swappers.
35) Try to get theft from torrents/site rip sites taken down to prevent people stealing our stuff.
36) Answer all emails (this is worth saying twice- we get a LOT of emails).
37) Maintain stuff like blogs, forum software, apply patches and updates etc.
38) Blog.
39) Tweet.
40) Make the occasional spectacular Elegance Studios film.
41) Make sure new versions of browsers haven’t broken anything with HTML/PHP/CSS since last time we looked.
42) Do link exchanges.
43) Organise banner swaps and guest galleries.
44) Figure out new features and implement them.
45) Fix anything that breaks.
46) Go food shopping and cook so people at shoots can eat. Wash up and tidy up afterwards.
47) Redecorate the house so rooms don’t get too visually stale for shooting.
48) Figure out the budget so we can pay for everything out of the money you kindly pay us.
49) Try to make the site interesting and compelling.
50) Monitor the site uptime, and do something if it goes down (auto monitoring and tech support help, of course, but the bottom line is that it is our business and we need to fix it).

And that’s just a sampling of the jobs. It requires a fair bit of work, and I think most people understand that it is just us who are around to do it.

With all that to keep track of, mistakes do happen. A new version of a browser can mess up the downloads, or there might be a typo in a filename which the auto systems didn’t catch because the filename is for a different set- the system is clever enough to spot a typo, but not a brain fade of exchanging two things in a list of a hundred.

A polite email saying you have experienced a problem would be appreciated. Give us chance to rectify the mistake. I will do so as soon as the job allows; if I’m at a shoot in Spain with no internet access, it might take me a while. (I’ll still try to get at least a “sorry, I’ll get to it as soon as I can” email out if possible). Accusing me of being a cheat, a liar, a thief, a fraudster, threatening to call the cops or the FBI or customs or interpol (I’ve actually had that) because there’s a mistake in the data entry for one of over three thousand photo sets is frankly hurtful and unnecessarily upsetting.

I hope you wouldn’t do that if someone in a very busy cafe accidentally brought you the wrong sort of coffee. I hope you’d probably politely complain and ask for it to be changed. There wouldn’t be any screaming abuse. It should be just the same if a website has made a mistake, because the chances are it’s a simple mistake made by people doing too many jobs at once with not enough people to do it.

It isn’t OK to be rude and abusive to people on the internet just because they aren’t standing in front of you. Thank you very much to everyone who appreciates that and sends us a nice email to let us know there’s a problem.

By all means, get angry if I fail to rectify the problem in a prompt and responsible manner. Out of respect for the person on the other end of that abusive email, please consider a polite request first and give me the chance to make good.

We do our best. We have thousands of customers, and only a few problems crop up each month. Most of them I can fix fairly quickly, or investigate with the customer and tech support at the webhosts and anyone else who I think might be able to help (e.g. their ISP). If I don’t think I can remedy the problem promptly I’ll always offer a full refund, same as any company with a decent customer service ethos would do. Each time I try to improve the systems to reduce the chance of it happening again, but some things (e.g. data entry) are inherently prone to the occasional slip which no auto checking system can always catch.

We’ve been online for over 12 years, and we’re still here because we do our best. Please give us the benefit of the doubt and at least allow us to attempt to fix problems before emailing abuse. Thank you.

Cheers, Hywel.

Bondage Scripts

For the last week I’ve been on creative retreat, taking time out from the day-to-day running of the websites. It sounds pompous but it is hard to concentrate on writing whilst editing films, processing photos and answering emails. Some dedicated time was in order.

I want to figure out how to make our films better. For the bondage and fetish work specifically, I want to make the films more intense, more compelling, better stories (and hotter, too).

I also want to make some movies with fetish elements that will appeal to a wider audience.

Firstly, to send to the British Fetish Film Festival. It was clear from the producers’ screening that the stronger the story progression, the more compelling the film.

Secondly, I’d like to make a film showing BDSM as we think it is: positive and fun, one part of a fulfilling sex life if it happens to be your kink, not something to be scared of. The portrayal in mainstream media is lamentable- even laudable ones like Secretary have to have a self-harming, slightly broken sub and a dom with so many personal issues he can hardly function.

I’d like to make films with stronger story lines for Elegance Studios and sometimes RE and SS, too.
(Only sometimes. Not every film needs a big old wodge of story. There’s nothing wrong with short, sharp, sexy BDSM videos with lots of hot action and we’ll still be making plenty of those, and improving the quality and the impact of those too.)

I think the element that’s most lacking in our longer storytelling efforts to date has been the ending. We do OK at beginnings- we’re quite practiced at sketching characters and situations quickly without a ton of exposition. We do good middle sections- that’s where all the sexy stuff and the fun stuff happens. We just usually tail off with a fade to black or a “girl gets too tired to struggle” instead of a proper ending.

The obvious ending for bondage is either the tied up person gets untied (which is not very hot to see) or the characters have sex (which would turn into hardcore porn, which we don’t want to make). So we need to figure out how to make impactful endings which bring the film to an emotional, satisfying conclusion without seeming lame or a let down.

The tool I most need to do that is a script, a proper screenplay.

We’ve been getting closer and closer to that with the shoot plans for our longer and more complex films anyway, but so far we’ve stopped short. We’ve worked from shot lists, shot lists plus a few storyboards, and written essays which are plans for screenplays but with the dialogue to be improvised on set. And again, that’s a great way to work for some things.

I’ve concluded already this week that I can’t write comedy screenplays, but comedy comes about naturally with improvisation. So my bondage comedy ideas are going to be done in the “story plus improv” mode.

What I’m really settling down to do now is to flesh out some ideas into proper, fully-scripted format so we can shoot them that way. I think the advantage will be that with tighter control, you can plot more tightly. And you need the end written, so you have to think about it before you start shooting. That lets you feed the set-up more tightly so that the beginning leads inexorably towards the emotionally satisfying ending.

I set myself several challenges.

Stage one was to come up with ten log lines. A log line is a one or two sentence summary of what the film is about, to try to explain why it is a good idea and why I would want to make it (and hopefully why you will want to watch it!) I decided to tweet mine, so they have a 140 character limit, which is STRICT.

Tick: here are the ones I came up with

  1. Too old & too tall, lifestyle BDSMer Audrey must defeat the horrid fashion models to be crowned million-pound face of metal bondage fashion
  2. Wylie Coyoye Bondage. Incompetent kidnapper keeps trying to grab her victim with bondage traps but keeps trapping herself in bondage instead
  3. Autocratic ruler tries to be good man. Only indulgence- sadistic fantasies with captive slavegirls. Until he meets true love among slaves…
  4. Good time girl provides service: perfect embodiment of any fantasy. Kidnapped by mob pimps, she must escape; her only client is her husband!
  5. Some day my prince will come. But when he does, he’s an arse- I think I’ll stay with kinky evil captor.
  6. Journalist mistakenly invited to BDSM scene. She goes, intending exposé, finds own fulfillment. Now she must battle tabloid exposé herself
  7. Nymphomaniac Zombies. Contagion turns young women into sex fiends. Capture and bondage the only option until a cure is found!
  8. Dating Epic Fail. Ditzy girl installs Bad Idea Bear app to make all date decisions for her. Ensuing adventures lead her to sub identity BDSM
  9. Ditzy blonde intern must run business when boss breaks his leg. Only trouble: business is running bondage website!
  10. Service orientated sub girl must learn the difference between affection and abuse to escape the prison of “I don’t deserve anything better”

Some of these feel like short films for RE, some longer ones for ES, some mainstream-ish, some not, one or two may even be worth considering at feature length.

The intern one I had a go at, and discovered I couldn’t script funny dialogue, didn’t know where to start. But I can see that as soon as I get the right people on set, comedy will ensue. So that one has become a “standard” shoot plan.

The fashion world one I’ve turned into a short script. Two drafts so far. It’ll need tuning, but I quite like it. It feels satisfying.

The Good Time Girl one had the strongest number of hot mental images associated with it, so despite the fact that no-one on twitter liked it, and that I thought the logline was poor, I’ve written a short script for that one too. It’ll need revisions.

I’ve made quite a few notes on several of the others.

Which ones sound most interesting to you?