Little Bo Peep was now officially the world’s most crap shepherdess.
🙁 Trying to get a new job had proven to be very problematic as the reputation of “losing sheep” had not gone down favourably with would-be employers. She had however perservered despite a complete inability to actually do her job. :dunce
Answering an ad in Mutton Weekly she approached the huge manor house in North Yorkshire, (England) and knocked on the stately oak door.
“I’m here to see Lord Ramsbottom about the ad for a shepherdess,” she said to the maid who answered.
“Come in,” ushered the maid as Bo timidly edged through the door into the colossal reception chamber.
“Wait ‘ere and I’ll inform ‘is Lordship that you be ‘ere. What did thou say thouest name be?”
“Bo….Bo Peep,” she replied almost in a whisper.
She could have sworn that she heard the maid say “Oh bugger,” as she tottered off in an outfit that could only have been designed to appease the most lecherous of men.
Left alone momentarily, Bo looked around the luxurious reception chamber and watched as other maids busied themselves almost frantically in their duties. She noticed that they too were all dressed in matching outfits with short frilly skirts, low cut tops, stockings and high heels.
It wasn’t long before his Lordship appeared, an enormously fat man dressed in a red navy admirals suit with a bald head and a huge grey handlebar moustach.
“So you be Bo Peep?” he bellowed.
“Yes.”
“I’ve ‘eard of you. You’re crap, why should I hire you?”
“‘Cos you needest a sherherdess and I needest the dosh.” she replied with more confidence than she felt capable of.
“Fair enough, this way,” he murmured heading through a doorway in the chamber.
She hurried after him through various rooms then finally out through a rear door into a paddock area with a flock of at least 200 sheep. She was shown to a small barn which would act as her base.
“Right then, deal is that I be away on business for ten an’ four days and I need you to take extra care of this flock. They be all top grade animals and are going to get a great price at at next month’s auctions. You are on a trial period. If there be all my animals ‘ere on my return then a job will be’est thine. However for any animal that be missin’ on my return, thy willst do a day’s…….bidding for me.”
Bo agreed. Not that she had a lot of choice. She needed the job and no one else would hire her. She was however a little perterbed by what “biddings” might entail.
“The fields be over there yonder, see you in ten days an’ four,” he stated as he waddled off.

She reckoned she would have been ok if it wasn’t for the nationwide outbreak of B.S.E.
Three days after Lord Ramsbottom’s departure a government department arrived at the manor, shot all her sheep and burnt their carcasses lest the deadly disease spread to neighbouring farms.
“Oh bollocks,” said Bo.
His Lordship was not happy and decided to show Bo exactly what his biddings entailed.
She was led back to the barn and ordered to put on her shepherdess uniform. She donned the outfit fearfully having not bothered with it whilst he had been away. It was a similar design to the maids outfits but hers was of blue gingham. A short thigh length skirt, white pinny tied in a bow around her waist, tight fitting bodice with a very revealing cut and little puff sleeves. She tied her hair back with the blue ribbon that went with the outfit and anxiously awaited her fate.
She had noticed a rather unnecessary number of ropes and chains hanging up in the barn and had also noticed that many of the horse bridles were way too small to fit a horse and didn’t horse bridles have metal bars to go in the mouth, not rubber balls?
Anyway her worst fears were confirmed as he led to to a patch af straw in the corner of the barn and threw her roughly down onto it snatching a handfull of chains off the wall as he did.
She rolled onto her stomach as he attached one of the manacles to her left wristpulling her arm behind her back before attaching another manacle to her right wrist and connecting the two with a very short length of chain. Shackles connectd her ankles together and her ankles were drawn up to her wrists and padlocked off leaving her in a totally helpless hogtie.
She felt her head being drawn back and a rather large rubber ball being forced into her mouth as the strap was tightly buckled behind her head.
Lord Ramsbottom lifted her up so she was in a kneeling position then retrieved a steel collar and chain from the adjoining wall. He fastened the collar round her neck then attached the other end of the six foot chain to a ring in the wall.
“That should keep you outta mischi’f fer the night,” he bellowed. “Teach you to pay more attention to your work.”
She groaned as he started for the barn door.
“You’ve lost me a lot of money due to your incompitance,” he bellowed. “Still I’m going to enjoy punishing you for the next six months or so. I doubt whether you’ll get much sleep like that, but if you do try, may I suggest you could try counting sheep. YOU COULD DO WITH THE PRACTISE.

:banghead :banghead