This topic contains 18 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by 
-
Posts
-
Very interesting from posts on another thread that most of us “regular posters” reckon the early bondage imagery just “ignited” a spark that was present from an early age.
I’ve always got the impression that popular culture believes bondage/fetish involvement to be more of a “corruption and depravity” that occurs as an adult. Is there anyone reading this who was introduced to bondage as an adult, without much previous interest, but who got really into it? I’m sure there must BE people who have had that experience, it is just that most of the people I know who are really into bondage had that interest from almost as early as they can remember.
Hywel.
Is there anyone reading this who was introduced to bondage as an adult, without much previous interest, but who got really into it?
That would be me, sorta-kinda. I’ve had a big interest in *tickling* from an early age, and of course that requires significant bondage to do right. But that only morphed into an interest in bondage-in-general after I became an adult.
And I’m still a big tickle-fan as well as a bondage-fan.
Major influences for me were the bondage sections of *The Joy of Sex*, John Norman’s *Gor* novels (in both a positive and negative sense), and the old Harmony “Love Bondage” mags.
I’m not a fan of the “darker side”; I’m not part of the target audience for “Restrained Elegance Nights” for example, much as I like the site in general. What turns me on is the idea of a helpless captive being cuddled and pampered – while still remaining helpless. And who is turned on herself from being helpless.
Even with tickling stuff, I much prefer tickling-as-a-extreme-pleasure to tickling-as-a-diabolical-torture. And this is where I get my like/dislike toward the Gor novels: I like the idea of chained, helpless slavegirls, of slavegirls who are hot because they’re chained & helpless, and of intense “slave orgasims” and “the whip of the furs.” But I really don’t like the misogynic, sadistic, “slaves are to be treated with great harshness and cruelty,” or the angsty tragedy of earth women being reduced to slavery & broken.
So I’m drawn to places like Restrained Elegance because of the barefoot bondage – bare feet work for me on several levels, not just for the tickle factor. And because the glamor and elegance cuts against the “nasty grotty abuse” side of bondage. And, of course, because the photography is excellent and the models are beautiful. 🙂
I remember being a kid probally 10 or 11 years old and seeing girls tied up in movies/tv and finding myself strangely turned on by it. I think in most cases its something that is already in you.
I’ve no doubt it has been within me from a young age, I just didn’t know at the time what “it” was. Saying that though, it lay pretty much dormant for the first several years of my adult life. It wasn’t until I met my current partner who was way further down the kinky road that the monster was unleashed :spin . I’m pretty sure that without her influence something else would have set off my active interest that has ultimately lead here, dunno what or who..
Don’t like to think where it will end though, has anybody else noticed that such in interest, fetish, call it what you will, tends to evolve and morph? Five years ago my main interest was romantic scarf and rope bondage with just a passing nod toward steel, longer term bondage and slavery etc. Thats very much reversed, whats next?? I continually limit my partners interest in corporal stuff. When she says “lets try breathplay” I can’t find my shoes fast enough, for the time being atleast.. It could all end in tears, or prison, or worse case scenario – vanilladom. :suspect
Cheers
M
At the risk of courting controversy on my 3rd post I’m going to have to disagree with the general opintion here. Sorry.
I’ve mulled this over for a week or so and am now convinced then my love of bondage is from two sources, firstly my upbringing. I come from a “traditional” English nuclear family. Very strong breadwinning father and a mum who has devoted her life to creating a slightly nicer home than the one nextdoor. My brother and i are about the same age but our upbringing was very different, while after school he was off camping, bmx’ing, rowing, army cadet etc etc i spent my time in dance, pony club, music and gymnastics etc. In hindsight I never had the choice. We both went to “good” public schools, usually single sex and often boarding but whereas he was trained to be a captain of industry, commerce or the army we were all trained as highly qualified little debutantes. Its frightening how many of my former peers who were academically brilliant went on to marry somebody like my brother, have 2.4 beautiful children by 25, live in a nice house in the leafy suburbs and send their daughters to dance, pony club, music and gymnastics class… The point I’m making is that my “traditional” little adolescent life prepared me only to be a good little wife and mother to a nice husband who would “look after me” as the little woman. About a degree of seperation from being a Sub, is this making sence?
Secondly, my career has gone a bit mad over the last five years or so and I realise now that as the pressure I’m under increases to insane levels and my responsibility becomes huge, so, in direct opposition, my desire to submit so fully to another has become a release that I genuinely need and sometimes long for. I doubt one would exist without the other.
So, basically, I’m the one who voted for “got into bondage slightly later in life”.
Think I may be rambling a bit here, sorry.
Love to all, Jo.
While I’m rambling, here’s something thats just occurred to me as I stand here in just another departure lounge.
Taking a fly-on-the-wall perspective, I stand here wearing a pencil skirt. I can walk without much difficulty but running is not worth considering, I’ve carefully avoided stairs rather than find out how that would work. Its white so I daren’t sit for fear of getting dirty and anyway when pulled tight I suspect my underwear becomes conspicuous (spare me the obvious solution boys). So here i stand, typing away on a coffee bar using a wifi hotspot, by rights the heels should be crippling me by this time of day but luckily(?) the holdups cut off the circulation to my lower limbs hours ago. So in short, I can just about walk ok, I cant run, climb, stand or sit. The moral of this little story is that as a girl you don’t really “get into bondage”, you’re born into it..
I don’t think many guys realise that from “our” perspective being restrained isn’t that much of a departure from normal. Think I may of just given away a little secret here, sorry girls.
For instance, from personal experience a certain gentleman has often tried to make me spend the night in a puppycage, although I cannot actually sleep there, actually being there really genuinely doesn’t bother me anywhere as much as he thinks and infact every time thus far he has got out of bed and released me after a few hours of similarly not sleeping. Big softie :lick
I may regret typing that last bit, if there’s any other Subs out there feel free to offer a little solidarity here..
Jo
Hey Jo,
I’m sure there are as many different ways to get into bondage as there are people who are into bondage!
Your story is very interesting: it kinda parallels what I’ve heard said traditionally about submissives with very stressful jobs wanting to be dominated as a pressure-release mechanism. It probably shouldn’t surprise that the same applies just as much to a succesful woman with a stressful job and a submissive streak!
I reckon traditional male-breadwinner/female-at-home partnership supports male dom/female sub relationships, but I’ve also seen plenty of couples where the woman stays at home and is provided for, but is very definitely the dominant one in the relationship and in the bed. So I wonder at some level if you see in that relationship what you want to see in it? You say you had no choice about the upbringing, but a good friend of mine who is a female sub had a similar upbringing, rebelled against it all through her school years, was a total tomboy and is fiercely now independent and succesful- but still very definitely a submissive. So you see it as one step away from submission but maybe that’s laregly true because you are looking at it from the point of view of a submissive?
Similarly- restricting and uncomfortable clothes… what you were wearing sounds like a domina outfit, so the same restrictiveness that suggest bondage to you might suggest power over men to someone with a much more dominant outlook? You see how your path as a sub was laid out for you from an early age by clothes etc… but a domme might have seen the same thing from a very different perspective… or have rebelled (not every woman wears holdups, heels and pencil skirt for business trips… even within a strict dress code there is usually an element of choice, same reason I as I refuse to wear a tie, even for job interviews. Still got the jobs…)
My personal example is foot fetish. Can’t explain why I have a bare foot fetish but I do. I absolutely love the way a pretty woman looks when barefoot, and I certainly do love to play with her feet. If I was a submissive man, that might have manifested itself as foot worship… and the majority of leg and foot sex publications and sites I’ve seen do have male submissive foot worship as the theme. Being a dominant, I still like a lot of the same things as the foot worshippers do- kissing, licking, caressing, fondling a woman’s feet, but I also like to punish and tickle the soles of the feet and I prefer her tied up when I do it so she can’t dictate anything- she’s GOING to get her toes sucked and tickled whether she likes it or not. So the same physical thing- kissing a woman’s foot- can be approached from a totally submissive or a totally dominant position (and of course from anywhere in between or in any mixture).
So I wonder if it may only one step from your pencil skirt and heels to being tied up… but maybe for a domina it would be a big step, because she might see the same outfit as a symbol of power and totally different from being tied up?
Very interesting perspective… never really thought about it before!!!
Hywel.
Edited By Hywel on 1148977407
Interesting stuff indeed.. If its not too personal I’d be interested to know if Ariel can parallel any of Jo’s first mail. I say that because if I close my eyes and listen I can’t really tell the difference between the two. Perhaps what they say, but certainly the way they say it. Sorry I guess that might only make sense to me.
Hi Jo. Big softie?? we’ll see about that next weekend then! :rant Your obvious need for re-disciplining could be more than I can handle in a weekend, still giving serious consideration to outsourcing to a mutual acquaintance with a large dungeon who does a great bastinado. I’ve got an exhibition breakdown underway this week, think I’ll hang on to the van..
Although I had to laugh about the holdups thing. Dont think I’ve mentioned this here before but I have a totally irrational hatred of tights/panyhose (am I the only one??), Jo’s paid the price before over this matter and previously promised to stop wearing them. I’m impressed.
I could argue the restrictive clothes thing is simply unconcious self bondage but don’t really have the time to think it through.
Later
M
For me it was a fascination that grew over time – those 60’s American shows that always featured a D.I.D. kick started it. Then, when 15 or 16 and going to concerts, I found a porno shop in London and while perusing the wares, I found a rack of Harmony mags, bought one (Laurel Blake Vol 1) and have been hooked ever since. In fact, if anyone wants to buy a collection of lates 80’s and 90’s Bondage mags, make me an offer!
Now it’s easy – you can subscribe to endless web-sites offering every permutation going (I mean bondage and foot fetish together, how weird is that? – sorry Doc!) and you can get excellent Bondage DVD’s from shops in Soho now – no longer do you buy dodgy VHS tapes, sight unseen and get fleeced – it’s almost as if it’s respectable now!
You can even find endless models who will do Bondage for amateur shoots – 4 years ago, when I did my first shoot, I was turned down by loads of models.
And I don’t know why, but my thang is a nice big fat (preferably harness!) ball-gag (but not too big that it won’t fit) and then to see the torrents of drool it produces dripping over the models cleavage – as I say, don’t know why, but that does it for me every time! :singhappy
Cheers TighterHi Hywel.
Thanks for raising some interesting points, can’t argue. In particular when you pointed out the Domme outfit you made me realise that’s exactly what I’ve started to do, yikes. I’m very much a woman in a mans world, as such it can be difficult when I need to dominate a meeting or the people in it. Which is often. I’ve learnt a few tricks over the years, just realised dressing like a hardass is a new one. Cool!, I’m a Domme by day and a Sub by night!! :newangel Interestingly I’m actually leaning on an almost identical bar in the same airport (LHR) but dressed very differently, lasttime I’d turned down a number of drinks by now, not today, infact nobody seems to be paying me any attn at all. Think I might go for the tight skirt and heels more often heheh! ..or whould that just make me a slut hmmm
Anyway, I’m “home”, the sun’s shining and I’m full of that “schools out for the summer” feeling, hope everyone has as much fun this w’end as me! :blindfold
Love to all.
Jo
P.S. Hey Tighter, how big is it?
(the Harmony collection) :;):
Love harness gags, for a while. Hate drooling.Hey Jo
Haven’t looked at it for a while, but it’s quite big ! (ooh, Mrs Jones).
I reckonj there’s about 20 – 30 mags
Cheers TighterPersonaly I’d have to agree with the early age group. My earliest memories are of the old “Avengers” TV shows. While my brother wanted to watch “Lost in Space” I wanted to see Emma Peel get tied up. I didn’t know why I liked it, I just knew I did. :love2
I must say that I have been in to it from really early on, I just didn’t know it then. My first memory must be when we were playing Cowboys and Indians with the girl next door. We were deciding who would get tied up at the pole, and how I wanted it to be me tying her up!! Once I got her tied up, I really wanted to gag her. But then her mother came and said no…
There have been some other episodes like this during my childhood. At the time I did not understand it, but in retro perspective I can understand my emotions. When I was getting a little older a read a news article about words that triggers programs that block sites with sexual contents. One of the words was “bondage”. I understood al other words, but not that one. So to find out what it was I typed it in my browser. Well, the rest is history! :loveblush
And I still think bound girls should gagged, no matter what her mother said! :twirl
I can trace back my bondage interests to an age of 12. Of course I had no name for it (this came with internet later on), but the idea of tying up / being tied up felt quite comfortable on a very early age.
I still think there is something psychological about it. I don’t really believe that this is something you are born into. It seems to satisfy a need for safety and intimacy, and this is definitely not limited to adults…
It might have something to do with puberty. But unfortunately, I have not the qualification to actually research this, although I’d really like too…
VERY interesting theme!I remember watching a episode of La Law..one of the female lawyers was being arrested and i was so overcome with
excitement,i thought something was wrong with me. :ohAmazing how such powerful emotions can formulate in a young persons mind with a simple “click” sound of locking handuffs.
I was introduced to bondage by a girlfriend back in my mid-twenties. She enjoyed having her wrists tied to the bedposts with her stockings.
Another grilfriend used silk scarves and kept a selection of them to be tied, gagged and or blindfolded with.
I really enjoyed the resulting sex, and after an intervening affair(s), married Miss Silk Scarf.
I think the next move forward from the silk scarves was provided by Sharon Stone in Total Recall. After we saw the movie, my wife was taken by the fun and flirty “So you wanna tie me up” line. We had a frank conversation over some drinks and bought silk ropes in the local haberdashery shop, normally meant to be used as curtain ties.
Handcuffs were a leap of faith for her. I’m guessing the ‘good girl’ within felt the hard cold steel was no longer a fun ‘occasional’ prop.
So we took a sideways step and bought leather wrist and ankle cuffs that were more comfortable, less threatening and actually, very much more versatile.
And from there we slowly pushed the boundaries – bit gag, ballgag, spreaders, collar and dog lead single-glove, latex masks.
We have struck a healthy balance. Sure, I’d like to do more, push the boundaries, but I respect her wishes and vice versa. I would love to suspend her from a strappado in the garage but she’s definitely not into that, nor medical bondage or Superheroine roleplay.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s taken ten years to get here and several ups and downs on the way. But as long as she doesn’t feel it’s consuming our relationship, isn’t degrading, embarrasing or dangerous, she remains keen to participate or dominate and is cool about my membership of websites like this.
To sum up, my liking for bondage was initiated by two girlfriends, then my wife. We reached a tipping point whereby, I now push the boundaries forward and I think if I’m honest that websites such as Restrained Elegance, Jasmine Sinclair, Bondage Cafe, Bound Obsession, Models Tied et al perpetuate some of my personal bondage fantasies.
First off, I just want to say howdy. I’m a new member as of just a few days ago, and after much browsing I’ve made my way to the forums. I hope everyone is having a great holliday season so far.
Anyway, my story goes as follows. I remember from a very young age having maiden-in-distress fantasies, but at the time they weren’t really sexual. As I hit puberty, however, I had a similar experience to one of those above, which was running across the word “bondage” somewhere, looking it up, and never looking back.
I always get the sense that, even though bondage is somewhat taboo – I’ve always been slow to let my girlfriends know about my interest, though it has never ended up being a problem – many people have at least a bit of either a dominant or submissive streak, and though they may joke about it, they are at least interested in the idea. I often find myself pinning my friends as one or the other, and no matter how prim and propper they seem, it is hard not to imagine some of them in a bondage role. I brought this observation up with my girlfriend and, after a bit of surprise, she agreed on each of the people I listed.
Of course, suspicion does not mean that it is true, but I wonder if there isn’t some cultural influence that disposes people towards bondage in addition to whatever dispositions we are born with. I remember reading Bertrand Russell’s “Marriage and Morals,” in which there was a brief section where he described bondage as having roots in a sexually repressed society, but I think there is more to the story since, as I said, I think it was in me from a very young age and since our society isn’t nearly so bad as the early 20th century England that Russell knew.
Regardless, I have found, in integrating bondage into my sex life for really the first time over the last year or so, that I am actually a much better sub than dom (and my girlfriend is a much better dom than sub), but my girlfriend and I like to do both. Nevertheless, for me the sub side was a much later and unanticipated development. Anyone else have an early inclination towards one, only to find the other more prominent in the long run?
Hi Eomi! Welcome to the site!
It was very interesting reading your experiences, as I have also switched during my life…
My first proper experience of bondage was when I started working with Hywel on a purely modelling basis. It changed my view of bondage and I believe that triggered off a few dormant feelings – but released my dominant side rather than my submissive one.
My husband at the time was a brutal man and I suffered abuse on every imaginable level whilst in that relationship. I suppose me being dominant in the bedroom was a release for having to walk on eggshells the rest of the time!
I escaped from the marriage a few years ago and found my current partner a year after that. He is the polar opposite of my ex. He is gentle and kind and totally trustworthy and I was *really* surprised to find that, with the right partner, I am actually very naturally submissive. I think it is totally about trust.
Looking back now to my adolescence, I have always had fantasies about being restrained. I think I just repressed them as I thought it was somehow wrong to think like that!
Kate x
I’m pretty sure I am pure dom, in that my fantasies are absolutely always dominant (and have been since nursery school). I have always thought that I’d give switching a go and maybe I might get into it with the right person, but I don’t think it is very likely- the only way I can imagine enjoying it is as a prelude to me coming out on top and having my revenge!
I know a lot of people who are into bondage are switches and enjoy both the dominant and submissive roles, though.
Incidentally, I’d just like to say how pleased I am that the forum is really becoming a community where people feel they can post their personal thoughts and fantasies about bondage. I think Ariel’s honesty and enthusiasm has had a lot to do with that- thanks Ariel! I think a lot of people have had the experience of thinking that their bondage fantasies are “wrong” and therefore something to suppress or hide. I’m very proud that people feel that the RE forum is a place they can talk seriously (or frivolously) about these fantasies and feelings.
I’m also rather conscious that I have not been as open about my own experiences as a lot of posters. If you know me, this will probably seem a bit out of character! Someone once described John Lennon as being “honest to the point of stupidity” and I am exactly the same. I tend to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to anyone and everyone. That has frequently got me into trouble in the short term (it is amazing how few organisations that hold “feedback interviews” with their staff are actually prepared for a staff member who gives them utterly honest feedback!) but it just how I am, and is the only way I could ever be happy. And in the long run it has always been for the best.
There’s a good reason why I am somewhat guarded about my own personal experiences and relationships on the website, even on the forum which is turning into a real community for me as well as I hope for members and models.
As you’ll surely have picked up, I am married. My wife is my best friend as well as my partner and we share perhaps 75% of our interests, but while the bondage and the photography is a burning passion for me, it isn’t anything like the same burning passion for her. She has been incredibly supportive of everything I’ve done, the website included, but she is a much more private person than I and I promised myself when I first launched the site that I would never say or do anything with the website that I thought she might be uncomfortable with me saying.
Of course as far as my own feelings and fantasies are concerned, I’ll happily blather on and on… after all, if you want to know what my fantasies are like I’ve spend the last six years documenting them in photos and videos! So I don’t have any secrets personally, but in consideration and appreciation of my wife I will not go into things that touch on her, if that makes sense? I hope people won’t feel that is wrong of me given how open everyone else has been.
Hywel.
The forum ‘General Chat’ is closed to new topics and replies.